Welcome To a Transformative Experience: A Message to Incoming Students

This being my first year as Darlington School’s Upper School Director, I find myself feeling much like I did as I entered my freshman year of high school.  My mind whirrs with thoughts of the coming year, its events and the new relationships I’ll develop.  But much like our freshman, I am eager to get started and hit my stride in this wonderful new culture.  In a way, I count myself among the freshman class.  I’ll be learning and adapting to the school, its policies and people. 

I have been thinking a lot about the incoming students, perhaps because I am a new Darlington person myself.  Meeting new people can be intimidating, especially when moving to a new place.  I want to share a little of myself so new and returning students alike will feel they know a little about me – and hopefully it will make me more approachable.  In this blog I have a message for new students:  You should know that, even if you are nervous, there are countless people here who understand and are ready to help.  Many of us have been in your shoes and understand  what you might be feeling.

I was once a nervous incoming 9th grade student, packing boxes and heading off to boarding school.  I attended a co-ed college preparatory boarding highschool.  What a thrilling and poignant memory!  I remember orientation, the excitement of seeing my first dorm room, and still remember the first roommate – Rich.  We quickly became good friends and are still in contact today.  The same is true for several teachers that I had when I was in school.  This is a major difference between regular schools and those that follow the college-prep model. 

At Darlington, teachers immerse themselves in the lives and development of their students as a way of life…  Not merely a vocation.  So it is not surprising that the bonds are often deeper than expected.  For example, just last week I was asked to join a family reunion for one of my old high school history teachers.  I expressed concern that my family might be crashing their party but was instantly assured that I AM part of his family – and it is true.  His sons have become brothers to me and I have become an uncle to their children.  So for you incoming students, rest assured: you will settle in before you know it.  And don’t be surprised when you make lifelong friends and find you are part of a global community of extended family. 

Yet the prep school experience has shaped my life in ways far beyond personal relationships.  While attending a private college-preparatory boarding school I learned from passionate and dedicated teachers who connected with me on a personal level.  They learned what made me tick.  My teachers helped me find my strengths in ways that never could have occurred in a public school setting.  I think that all of us benefit from having teachers and mentors who know us personally.  This deeply personal connection enables boarding school staff to take the just-right tack when helping students realize their potential – in the classroom, in the dorm or on the field. 

In addition to the teachers, the prep school experience itself contributed greatly to my personal, academic and professional success.  Self-reliance is in short supply in today’s world.  We live in an age and culture rife with petty lawsuits, enabling, and reluctance to accept responsibility.  Yet the unique Darlington experience empowers students, at a young age, to take control of their own destiny.  There have been books and movies lately about the “failure to launch” phenomenon – children who grow into adulthood unprepared to function independently in today’s society and professional culture.  Upon high school graduation, many simply aren’t prepared to leave the nest.  I believe that attending a school like Darlington is one of the most powerful ways that parents can help their child overcome this phenomenon.   Here they will join a culture of honor and excellence – a culture of self-assurance and reliance. 

I went into my freshman year of boarding school a wayward young skateboarder.  I left knowing that I can be academically successful, but also that I enjoy learning!  I graduated with many honors and a full scholarship to an outstanding university.  I thrived in college because it was, by that time, “old hat.”  I saw my peers, who had never been away from their parents before, unsure what to do with their new freedom.  I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “Wow, those guys are acting like boarding school freshman.”  Yet they were 19- and 20 year-old college students.  What an advantage I had over most college freshmen!  It was then that I truly understood what a hand up independent school had been.  The college-prep experience had taught me how to take control and get the job done. 

People scoffed at me when I declared my major during college admissions.  But perhaps the boarding school experience helped me know myself more deeply than most college freshmen…  Four short years later I was a state-certified teacher with a B.A. in Education – exactly as I had declared I would be.  And two weeks out of college I had a job.  Two years after that, I was declared a master teacher, began leading teachers and advanced to Master’s level pay. 

In independent prep school, I learned how to LIVE my goals – how to IMMERSE myself in the experience of working toward and attaining those goals.  It can easily be said that this mentality set the tone for the rest of my academic and professional career.  The other major game changer for me has been my lifelong practice of traditional Japanese martial arts…  But that is for another blog. 

I was not lucky enough to have a school like Darlington near my home, so I traveled to attend one.  My mom later reported that sending me to boarding school was one of the most difficult parenting decisions she ever made, but she also said that it was one of the best and most rewarding.  So whether you are incoming or returning, welcome.  Welcome to Darlington School.  Welcome to a transformative experience.