Growing Our Boys into Men
By Chris Allen - Faculty
If you have ever been around young boys for an extended amount of time, you can’t help but be awed by their abounding exuberance. Young boys have an unashamed enthusiasm for life. They live in a world of wonder and are in full contact with their surroundings, both emotionally and physically. But then something happens. Around the age of 12, some of that wonder with the world begins to disappear. In its place come the social pressures placed on them by society, media, parents, and peers. There’s also the topic of girls, which no one really wants to acknowledge, but is very real for them. Boys become confused about where they stand in the world, and as a result, often lose some of the most special aspects of themselves.
In response to this, the counseling department has started an exciting new program for sixth-grade boys at Darlington’s Middle School. “BAM!” (Becoming Amazing Men) is a program designed to challenge boys’ stereotypes of what it means to be a male in our society. Each time the boys meet, they are led through experiential activities that are geared to encourage the boys to interact with one another and then to discuss those interactions. Most of the activities are physical in nature, which is very appealing to boys of this age.
In one of their first activities, the boys had to lift one another over an imaginary electric fence (a string tied across the room). To make the activity even more challenging, they had to do it without anyone talking except the designated student leader. This led to some creative ways of communicating and a discussion about why it is sometimes hard for guys their age to listen to one another.
I am continually impressed with the level of discussion that occurs between the boys after their activities. One particularly engaging discussion focused on the topic, “What is it like to be a guy in today’s world?” The boys came up with expected comments such as, “You have to be tough,” “It is sometimes embarrassing to show emotions,” and my favorite, “I just don’t understand girls.” They also came up with some rather unexpected ideas, such as agreeing that they are all a little freaked out by their mother’s purses. They are completely mystified that so much stuff can go into such a small space. To them, it is like traveling into Narnia, unsure if they would ever return if they were to venture inside.
Along with having fun and building positive relationships, there are some very specific goals that I am trying to attain with the sixth-grade boys. These are:
1. The boys will increase their awareness of the social pressures boys face and broaden their notions of what it means to be a man.
2. The boys will increase their sense of belonging, participation, and safety in a group.
3. The boys will improve their relational and communicational skills.
4. The boys will expand their emotional and behavioral skills.
5. The boys will be able to carry the lessons from “BAM!” into other parts of their lives.
Thus far, the group has been very successful. The boys are opening up to one another and seem to enjoy having a time together in which they can be themselves and talk about some things that apply to their daily lives. They also like having some time away from the girls. Of course, that will be changing soon enough as well.
