Exams, High School & Beyond

Difficulty in high school is not a bad thing; in fact it is a good thing. As exams loom near and nerves become tight, even the smallest details can get blown into major issues, so please remember the following: struggle is good, dealing with frustration is necessary, managing anxiety is an important skill to learn.

If a student sails through high school with everything working out smoothly, college and adult life is going to be more than a big surprise... it could be a disaster. Dealing with difficulty is learned not by someone else paving the way to solutions, but by persistence. Success isn’t even always the result, but just knowing difficulties can be survived, lessons can be learned, and another day brings a new chance is a huge life lesson.

The popular book Colleges that Change Lives by Loren Pope makes the point that colleges welcome teens who can demonstrate that they have made their way through difficulty. Colleges fear the teenager who has had a smooth and successful high school career. Why? Because they know it is artificial. College life will not be like that, especially when the probable parent in the background of that child’s life will not live with them anymore.

The pressure to get into prestigious and popular colleges has become so big that the “end game” has become admission, and chasing grades the only thing valued. This is one reason why more students than ever are dropping out of college. Educators know that “love of learning” is lost in pursuit of grades. Life skills are lost when parents do everything they can think of to help their child get those great grades, and suddenly the child isn’t responsible for his or her own outcomes anymore. There is nothing more ruinous to motivation than all this, other than perhaps freedom and reward without effort.

Of course there are times that parents must advocate for their child, but as you watch your children work and worry, remember that struggle is necessary to achieve long-term success. As they express frustration, guard against wanting to rescue them and fix their problems. Ask them, “What do you think you can do to help yourself?” Help them brainstorm; doing so is a valuable critical-thinking experience.

Certainly encourage your children and let them know that mistakes are how we learn, and perseverance is a life skill. Helping your children see the bigger picture of improving their larger learning process in high school will help them keep perspective. This will lessen their anxiety, and they just might get those better grades.