NewsUpper SchoolStudent LifeFaculty/StaffResidential Life
"Dash on your way"
May 25, 2006 8:23 AM
By Tannika King - Faculty
Read the full text of the Baccalaureate address given by Jim Van Es, Middle School principal, May 19:
The first thing I want to talk to you about is the four stages of life. The first stage is when you believe in Santa Claus. The second stage is when you don’t believe in Santa Claus. The third stage is when you are Santa Claus. And, the fourth stage is when you look like Santa Claus.
I appreciate the opportunity to speak to you all. It makes me remember when many of you were in the Middle School. I have taught you, coached you, and watched you grow up. I hope that I will say something that will serve all of you well as you leave here.
I had a Baccalaureate service 42 years ago. I know, because I checked ... had to, as I have no memory of the service, what was said, or who said it. The one thing that does stick with me as I stand here is, wow, how fast those 42 years have gone. Believe me when I say that life is a “dash.” And to the parents, I know the saying that “with children the days are long, but the years are short,” is evident tonight.
Life pushes us all forward, and now it is me and my words that will likely fade from your memories as your run your “dash." My dear friend, Bob Berry, spoke when his daughter was a member of the graduating class of ’94. He is positive that at least she will remember that he spoke, but honest enough to admit she probably does not remember the message. I do not think for a second that what I say to all of you tonight will become a lasting memory, but you should remember this event. Look around you and take a moment to let this time in your life into your hall of memory.
What you have accomplished and the friends that you have made are worth the concerted effort to remember. No one told me to make an effort to remember my Baccalaureate, not necessarily for the message given, but for the importance of the event itself. It is a memory I wish I had.
If this baccalaureate could be a conversation, rather than a formal service, we could share rich and complex memories of the years that have passed since you started at Darlington. Some have spent 13 years here, some only one or two. There would be some overlap in many of these stories, since many of the memories would be of shared events ... many happy and, sadly, some unbelievably tragic. But many of these memories would be more individual, more intimate - of a particular conversation or friendship, of times in class when something intrigued you or excited your imagination, a great personal triumph in athletics or on the stage, a story or photo that got published, a romance. These times are now the memories of your Darlington years, which you will carry away with you.
Jenna Marie told me that whatever I do, do not talk long. So, I will follow the three B’s of giving a talk: Be Brief. Be Brilliant. Be Gone. I can promise you two out of three.
I believe the Darlington motto to be a map that guides our lives.
Wisdom more than Knowledge
Service beyond Self
Honor above Everything
Each is a precious gift that holds its own lessons for you and they are highly significant.
Wisdom – That’s a tough one. I'm not exactly sure what makes you a wise person, but somehow I suspect it is about how you use knowledge. I suspect it takes time; it takes making mistakes. It means anticipating consequences. It takes a realization that there is a choice to make in everything you do. And, it means that you play hard and work hard and know when is the right time for each.
Service – There can be no service beyond self until we put aside petty jealousies, until we are accepting of each other and our differences. To say and do unkind things to each other is not what service is all about. Service beyond self means tolerating, no, it means celebrating diversity. For those of you that already do, good for you. For those of you that are not there yet, you have much to look forward to.
Honor – Honor is the benchmark by which we should all be judged. Those of you who know me know how strongly I feel about this. We start every Middle School morning at the flagpole with announcements, birthdays (yes, I sing "Happy Birthday") and our pledge: “I am and always will be an honorable person, and I treat others with kindness and respect.” My personal philosophy statement is framed and on the wall of my office. That personal statement reads, “I seek to develop and nurture honorable students who treat each other with kindness and respect, to facilitate their progress in academics while building sound character and instilling the joy of learning.”
Now, I want to tell you a couple of stories. I played basketball in college, and, in those days, freshmen were not eligible for varsity. Occasionally, the coach would take a freshman on a road trip with the varsity [team], and my turn came. We were going to fly to Ohio to play the University of Cincinnati. We had a bed check the night before in the dormitory. I woke up early that next morning and heard quite a commotion coming from the bathroom. It seems that Larry, a senior and our best player, had snuck out of the dorm the night before and had been up all night partying. Somehow, the other players got him past the coaches and on to the plane. Larry got off the plane, went to the arena, and scored 36 points in the game. Wait a minute, that is not right! I did not then, nor do I now, understand how these kinds of things happen, but we all know they do. I lost all respect for Larry, and believe that there is no way he can be proud of those memories now that he is older. I do not know where he is, nor do I care. What I do know is that he was not an honorable man, and I believe that that weighs heavily on him now. It has to.
A couple of years later, our team got back from a long road trip. I had missed several days of classes, so I was surprised when my botany professor said that I did have to take the test the next day as scheduled. I could not believe it — how unfair! I talked to Joe, a friend of mine, and we planned and prepared to cheat. I did not sleep well that night, and by morning knew I could not cheat. Joe went ahead as planned. I do remember that Joe and I were not friends after that. Now, nearly 40 years later, I am still disappointed in my intentions, but am proud that I made the choice to do it right. And I can stand here in front of you and say, “I am an honorable man.” Lead an honorable life, and when you get older, you can look back and enjoy it for a second time.
There are certainly other ideals that we must come to terms with, and I want to give you some observations that I have made in my 60 years of life. I will not be giving you any advice. Advice is not something you want to listen to at your age. You do not want anyone telling you what you should do, why, where, or how you should do it, or how you should feel. So remember, what I am about to say is not advice.
I do want to share some random observations with you. Believe in yourself. For you, this life lesson came first from your families. No matter the details, someone somewhere said, “I believe in you," and the seed was planted. Perhaps a teacher has cultivated that seed during your years here. The student-teacher relationship is sacred and timeless - a unique relationship that is long respected and can change the lives of both the learned and the learner.
My next observation reflects the accomplishments we honor tonight and tomorrow. It commends attitude, effort and performance. Each of you has faced your own academic challenges, and many have faced personal challenges as well. But you persevered, staying grounded, perhaps in faith, perhaps in family, perhaps in friends. Tonight is a testament to the power of determination. Determination — take it with you wherever you go.
Some other random thoughts:
1) I got this one from my dad. My dad is my hero, always was, and always will be. I can close my eyes and hear him say, “When you wake up, get up, and when you get up, do something.”
2) Follow the three R’s: Respect for self; respect for others; responsibility for all your actions.
3) Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4) When you make a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it, and when you say “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
5) Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
6) Life is not fair. Get used to it.
7) When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
8) Become familiar with perseverance.
9) Always continue to learn. Learning is a process, not an event. Do not think that learning is over when you leave college. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you are out of school, because it is easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn. You have and will continue to learn in a structured, dedicated environment right now, but do not confuse school and learning. You can and will learn a tremendous amount outside of school.
10) The relationship you have with your parents might change somewhat as time goes by, but the importance of your relationship does not. The older you get, the more you are going to realize that your parents were right — more and more until you actually become your parents. I know you are thinking, “Yeah, right.” Just you wait. Mark my words.
And finally, the one thing that I am totally convinced of is the importance of giving to, and of helping others. Give of yourself — it is what gives meaning to this “dash” of ours.
Where life will next lead you is the question of the hour. The college of your choice awaits you, as do many new challenges and adventures. This is a time of culmination, a time of transition. You are a great group. We live in a world that can and will progress toward being a better place, because people make progress through their own contributions. And you will, too.
Remember, wherever you go, every path connects you not only to where you are going, but to where you have been. Tonight and tomorrow, we celebrate the wisdom, the service, and the honor that has become a part of your “dash,” and we celebrate you. You have everything it takes to lift yourselves to great, long-lasting achievements, to fulfillment of potential, to a lifetime of significance.
And to paraphrase Dr. Seuss:
And will you succeed?
Yes, you will indeed.
98 ¾% guaranteed!
You’ll move mountains!
You’re off to great places.
Today is your day!
Your mountains are waiting.
So "dash" on your way!
The first thing I want to talk to you about is the four stages of life. The first stage is when you believe in Santa Claus. The second stage is when you don’t believe in Santa Claus. The third stage is when you are Santa Claus. And, the fourth stage is when you look like Santa Claus.
I appreciate the opportunity to speak to you all. It makes me remember when many of you were in the Middle School. I have taught you, coached you, and watched you grow up. I hope that I will say something that will serve all of you well as you leave here.
I had a Baccalaureate service 42 years ago. I know, because I checked ... had to, as I have no memory of the service, what was said, or who said it. The one thing that does stick with me as I stand here is, wow, how fast those 42 years have gone. Believe me when I say that life is a “dash.” And to the parents, I know the saying that “with children the days are long, but the years are short,” is evident tonight.
Life pushes us all forward, and now it is me and my words that will likely fade from your memories as your run your “dash." My dear friend, Bob Berry, spoke when his daughter was a member of the graduating class of ’94. He is positive that at least she will remember that he spoke, but honest enough to admit she probably does not remember the message. I do not think for a second that what I say to all of you tonight will become a lasting memory, but you should remember this event. Look around you and take a moment to let this time in your life into your hall of memory.
What you have accomplished and the friends that you have made are worth the concerted effort to remember. No one told me to make an effort to remember my Baccalaureate, not necessarily for the message given, but for the importance of the event itself. It is a memory I wish I had.
If this baccalaureate could be a conversation, rather than a formal service, we could share rich and complex memories of the years that have passed since you started at Darlington. Some have spent 13 years here, some only one or two. There would be some overlap in many of these stories, since many of the memories would be of shared events ... many happy and, sadly, some unbelievably tragic. But many of these memories would be more individual, more intimate - of a particular conversation or friendship, of times in class when something intrigued you or excited your imagination, a great personal triumph in athletics or on the stage, a story or photo that got published, a romance. These times are now the memories of your Darlington years, which you will carry away with you.
Jenna Marie told me that whatever I do, do not talk long. So, I will follow the three B’s of giving a talk: Be Brief. Be Brilliant. Be Gone. I can promise you two out of three.
I believe the Darlington motto to be a map that guides our lives.
Wisdom more than Knowledge
Service beyond Self
Honor above Everything
Each is a precious gift that holds its own lessons for you and they are highly significant.
Wisdom – That’s a tough one. I'm not exactly sure what makes you a wise person, but somehow I suspect it is about how you use knowledge. I suspect it takes time; it takes making mistakes. It means anticipating consequences. It takes a realization that there is a choice to make in everything you do. And, it means that you play hard and work hard and know when is the right time for each.
Service – There can be no service beyond self until we put aside petty jealousies, until we are accepting of each other and our differences. To say and do unkind things to each other is not what service is all about. Service beyond self means tolerating, no, it means celebrating diversity. For those of you that already do, good for you. For those of you that are not there yet, you have much to look forward to.
Honor – Honor is the benchmark by which we should all be judged. Those of you who know me know how strongly I feel about this. We start every Middle School morning at the flagpole with announcements, birthdays (yes, I sing "Happy Birthday") and our pledge: “I am and always will be an honorable person, and I treat others with kindness and respect.” My personal philosophy statement is framed and on the wall of my office. That personal statement reads, “I seek to develop and nurture honorable students who treat each other with kindness and respect, to facilitate their progress in academics while building sound character and instilling the joy of learning.”
Now, I want to tell you a couple of stories. I played basketball in college, and, in those days, freshmen were not eligible for varsity. Occasionally, the coach would take a freshman on a road trip with the varsity [team], and my turn came. We were going to fly to Ohio to play the University of Cincinnati. We had a bed check the night before in the dormitory. I woke up early that next morning and heard quite a commotion coming from the bathroom. It seems that Larry, a senior and our best player, had snuck out of the dorm the night before and had been up all night partying. Somehow, the other players got him past the coaches and on to the plane. Larry got off the plane, went to the arena, and scored 36 points in the game. Wait a minute, that is not right! I did not then, nor do I now, understand how these kinds of things happen, but we all know they do. I lost all respect for Larry, and believe that there is no way he can be proud of those memories now that he is older. I do not know where he is, nor do I care. What I do know is that he was not an honorable man, and I believe that that weighs heavily on him now. It has to.
A couple of years later, our team got back from a long road trip. I had missed several days of classes, so I was surprised when my botany professor said that I did have to take the test the next day as scheduled. I could not believe it — how unfair! I talked to Joe, a friend of mine, and we planned and prepared to cheat. I did not sleep well that night, and by morning knew I could not cheat. Joe went ahead as planned. I do remember that Joe and I were not friends after that. Now, nearly 40 years later, I am still disappointed in my intentions, but am proud that I made the choice to do it right. And I can stand here in front of you and say, “I am an honorable man.” Lead an honorable life, and when you get older, you can look back and enjoy it for a second time.
There are certainly other ideals that we must come to terms with, and I want to give you some observations that I have made in my 60 years of life. I will not be giving you any advice. Advice is not something you want to listen to at your age. You do not want anyone telling you what you should do, why, where, or how you should do it, or how you should feel. So remember, what I am about to say is not advice.
I do want to share some random observations with you. Believe in yourself. For you, this life lesson came first from your families. No matter the details, someone somewhere said, “I believe in you," and the seed was planted. Perhaps a teacher has cultivated that seed during your years here. The student-teacher relationship is sacred and timeless - a unique relationship that is long respected and can change the lives of both the learned and the learner.
My next observation reflects the accomplishments we honor tonight and tomorrow. It commends attitude, effort and performance. Each of you has faced your own academic challenges, and many have faced personal challenges as well. But you persevered, staying grounded, perhaps in faith, perhaps in family, perhaps in friends. Tonight is a testament to the power of determination. Determination — take it with you wherever you go.
Some other random thoughts:
1) I got this one from my dad. My dad is my hero, always was, and always will be. I can close my eyes and hear him say, “When you wake up, get up, and when you get up, do something.”
2) Follow the three R’s: Respect for self; respect for others; responsibility for all your actions.
3) Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4) When you make a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it, and when you say “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
5) Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
6) Life is not fair. Get used to it.
7) When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
8) Become familiar with perseverance.
9) Always continue to learn. Learning is a process, not an event. Do not think that learning is over when you leave college. You should never stop learning. Indeed, it gets easier to learn once you are out of school, because it is easier to see the relevance of why you need to learn. You have and will continue to learn in a structured, dedicated environment right now, but do not confuse school and learning. You can and will learn a tremendous amount outside of school.
10) The relationship you have with your parents might change somewhat as time goes by, but the importance of your relationship does not. The older you get, the more you are going to realize that your parents were right — more and more until you actually become your parents. I know you are thinking, “Yeah, right.” Just you wait. Mark my words.
And finally, the one thing that I am totally convinced of is the importance of giving to, and of helping others. Give of yourself — it is what gives meaning to this “dash” of ours.
Where life will next lead you is the question of the hour. The college of your choice awaits you, as do many new challenges and adventures. This is a time of culmination, a time of transition. You are a great group. We live in a world that can and will progress toward being a better place, because people make progress through their own contributions. And you will, too.
Remember, wherever you go, every path connects you not only to where you are going, but to where you have been. Tonight and tomorrow, we celebrate the wisdom, the service, and the honor that has become a part of your “dash,” and we celebrate you. You have everything it takes to lift yourselves to great, long-lasting achievements, to fulfillment of potential, to a lifetime of significance.
And to paraphrase Dr. Seuss:
And will you succeed?
Yes, you will indeed.
98 ¾% guaranteed!
You’ll move mountains!
You’re off to great places.
Today is your day!
Your mountains are waiting.
So "dash" on your way!
