Coping When a Friend Commits Suicide

Our community was recently shocked by the suicide death of a young person from a neighboring school. Several Darlington students were friends of this young lady and have had to begin the incredibly difficult process of grieving over the loss of a friend. Grieving over any death is difficult, but the experience is made even more complex when death is from a suicide. While trying to cope with their sudden loss, teens are also faced with the overwhelming feelings of blame, anger and a lack of understanding as to how such a thing could happen. 

A Different Kind of Grief

Along with trying to cope with the shock of such a sudden loss, survivors may also feel:

• Guilt, anger, blame, shame, confusion, betrayal
• Disconnected from their loved one because he or she chose to die
• Consumed by a need to find meaning and reasons for the suicide
• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the death
• That the suicide was malicious, or a way for the deceased to get back at them

What Survivors Should Know…And What They Can Do

• First, understand that, especially in teen suicides, the suicide was likely an impulsive act. Teens in such a state of mind often have difficulty thinking through all of their options and, unfortunately choose a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.
• Acknowledge the death is a suicide and recognize your feelings of loss.
• Talk openly with your family so  that everyone’s grief is acknowledged and can be expressed.
• Reach out to your friends and guide them if they don’t know what to say or do.
• Find support groups where you can share your stories, memories and methods of coping.

How Can I Help My Friend?

Showing a willingness to listen is probably the most important thing you can do for a friend who is a survivor of suicide. It may be difficult at first, but you should not feel expected to have all the answers. You should just focus on being a comforting, safe person for your friend to talk with.

What you can do:

• Listen with non-judgmental compassion.
• Understand that your friend will need time to deal with his or her loss.
• Avoid clichés.
• Find and offer information on resources, support groups, etc.

Finally, if you or a friend are having prolonged difficulty coping with the death of a loved one, it may be time to seek professional help. A counselor, pastor or other mental health professional will be able to guide you through the grieving process. Most importantly, know that you are not alone. Find someone to talk with so that you can begin to work through this painful time in your life.