A Note to Boarding Parents...

As a graduate of Darlington and former boarding student from Atlanta, I know firsthand that our boarding program is an amazing experience. Not only did I gain independence and have the opportunity to grow as an individual, but I also established relationships with friends and teachers that will last a lifetime.

 

Darlington is truly a huge family, and I was thrilled to meet some of that extended family last year when Danielle and Steve Wheeler brought their sons, Griffin ('17) and Smith ('19), to look at Darlington. I lived in the dorms with their aunt, Carroll (Soffe) Baker (’96), and my brother lived in the dorms with their uncle, Jim Soffe (’95). I love that the Wheeler boys are continuing the Darlington legacy!

 

During Orientation Weekend this year, Danielle offered a wonderful testimonial of the value of the Darlington experience. It was so heartfelt and touching, I asked if I could share her words of wisdom with you here.

 

Read the full text of Danielle's remarks below:

My name is Danielle Wheeler and I have two sons who attend Darlington School as boarding students. You will be on an emotional roller coaster during this time of transition for you and your son or daughter. Recognize this is a time of mixed emotions for both of you and your children. If you have a child at home, understand too that they will be on this roller coaster ride as well. The excitement and joy about opportunities awaiting your child are mixed with the waves of nostalgia and a sense of loss. Talking with other parents who are going through the same thing is so vital. That is why I am speaking to you today. 

Last year was my first experience with “letting go” of my sons. You are letting go as your child is connecting with anticipation to another chapter in their lives as well as your own. Take comfort in the knowledge that part of you is going with your child. The foundation you have provided over the past years in your home under your guidance and support will anchor and accompany your child.

Some items to discuss in order to see you both feel secure in their year may be making a financial plan and discussing expectations with your child. Develop a tentative budget and be clear about who will pay for what. Teach your child about the responsibility and use of credit and debit cards. Another situation to discuss should be their academic goals and expectations. Discuss with your child what they hope to accomplish academically during their year. It is important for them to take ownership of their education. Your expectations for academic success should be conveyed to your son or daughter.

Talk to your child about how you'll keep in touch. Do you want a planned time to talk such as every Sunday evening or do you want to be more spontaneous? A cell phone can be a wonderful way to keep in touch, or it can be an "electronic leash." You don’t need to be tethered to your child. Email and texting are also wonderful ways to keep in touch. Just don't count on a reply to every message you send.

You should make a list and keep it close to the phone of items you want to discuss with your child when they call because you will be so excited or overwhelmed when they do, you will be “caught up in the moment." They also need to stay connected with things happening at home. Tell them stories of family situations they are unable to attend such as birthdays or other family events.

The typical parent’s comments, “Are you getting enough sleep and are you eating well?” will spontaneously emit from your lips. Still be the loving parent and say those things. That’s just the parent in all of us. We need to be assured of their well-being.

This is a time of transition. There is no way to move through such transitions without feeling some sense of excitement but also disconnection. The excitement is easy to handle. The sense of disconnect is less so. It’s about exploring new opportunities in life for you and your child. 

Take comfort in knowing that the support system at Darlington is amazing! The staff is there when a problem may arise, your head of house is there if you need to communicate with them, and they celebrate their birthdays, too. Darlington is a school that is devoted to your child’s growth and success.

Embrace, enjoy and both of you will grow!